It closed the circuit and current flowed between us, a shocking sense of completeness. It began with toe on the leg and brushed towards the heel, the same motion as flicking a light switch off. One specific touch was reserved to signal a future convening in the ladies’ restroom. This is how we communicated: tactile morse code. Sometimes, when he was zoned out, I would swivel and tap the bare place between sock and pant leg, where his khakis had ridden up.
DESKS XCLEAN LINES SKIN
I always flushed, thinking of the skin underneath. When he wanted, Lucas would spin in his swivel chair and tap my ankle with the bottom of his shoe to say hey. I laughed and tapped his shoe with my own. Still, I didn't want to seem unappreciative. But after all it had only been an oversight. A sort of defiant joke, an indication that he understood we were equally radical.
I had thought of the note as a sign that he would go to great lengths for me. I didn't know about that, he mumbled, which rubbed me the wrong way. I thought about telling him this, and then I thought of him saying, This is some pretty heavy shit.Īt lunch, I informed him of the paper ban. For the next hour I thought about the note, how it weighed down my body, although it was as delicate as the paper center of a fortune cookie. I tucked it in my pocket and glanced around. He did, however, pass a note: Sorry for the awkward first impression. We threw away our chip bags and went back to our desks, where Lucas made a point of not looking at me. It reminds me of a museum, I decided, I've never seen so many Duchamps in the same place. I should have known that only the women's would be empty. But a men's bathroom? That's pretty disgusting of me. No, I said, We all have our ways of unpacking. I'm sorry I brought you in here, he said, rubbing his eyes. There was a long silence, during which a man relieved himself at the far urinal and Lucas shuffled his feet. It reminded me of this song, he said, There's this line that goes, Eyes wide as a dog's asshole when it’s shitting. Okay, I said, and did not notice where he was leading me until we were staring at a row of urinals, eating chips. We should go somewhere else, he suggested. For that kind of, you know, intimacy.Ī man who was drying his wet hands on his pant legs gave us a dirty look and Lucas leaned in to whisper, Looks like not everyone is used to it. But I figure, there must be some trust built up. You're used to seeing some fat guy get fucked by his dog? Because that's what I saw this morning. Which made me sorry I had mentioned it, because now he was on my private floor, expecting something. That I had invited him, and that he might have even seen it as an indication of interest. It had occurred to me that he might be waiting. He had a second unopened one which he offered to me. Keeping the greater X clean and marketable.ĭuring my 10am break, I ran into Lucas by the third floor bathrooms, which I usually had to myself. A middle American outpost, a virtual laundromat. This X was simply a cell of the greater X. I was paid to be, invisibly, in the middle of things. To pair offensive posts with the appropriate reason for termination. The bathroom on the third floor has the shortest lines, I offered.
He held out his hand and waited for mine. I had been employed at X for three months when Lucas was hired. He stuck a finger in my mouth and said, I wish I could fuck that gap. Charmed, I made the mistake of asking why. Once, I asked a boyfriend what he found most seductive about me. In college I had been desired only by a select few. Afterwards, I reveled in clearing space around me, like a helicopter as it neared the ground. Out of respect, and for fear of the accidental touch. I had not cried in several years.Īs one of the office's only women I was given a wide berth. I assured them I was nothing like my soft predecessor. Some of the content was too disturbing for women.
The last female hire, they said, had been too soft. I was hired to fill a quota, which I know because I was told so during my interview.
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